MOsanthrope

Posted by Chris on March 15, 2006 at 8:05 pm.

These days, every disaster draws out some presumptuous zealot to declare that he has peered into the mind of God and determined the calamity to be the result of man’s sinful defiance of Divine Will.

As the wreckage of the twin towers smoldered in Manhattan, Jerry Falwell famously blamed “pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, [and] People For the American Way” for the attacks of two days earlier. Falwell’s outrageous accusation prompted Pat Robertson to “totally concur.” Other nut jobs characterized hurricane Katrina as an “act of God [which] destroyed a wicked city.” Although their present notoriety stems from protests at funerals of servicemen killed in Iraq, the uber-wackos of the Westboro Baptist Church (the “anti-war left,” according to Sean Hannity) have divined evidence of God’s vengeful hand in virtually every recent tragedy, including those previously mentioned, as well as the space shuttle Columbia disaster, the London subway bombings (”Thank God for the bombing of London’s subway today - July 7, 2005 - wherein dozens were killed and hundreds seriously injured. Wish it was many more.”), the Indian Ocean tsunami,

and the Sago mine disaster.

All of these tragedies occurred because, you know,

I suppose that we must now conclude that God hates Texas:

BORGER, Texas (CNN) — Rapidly spreading wildfires have scorched nearly 700,000 acres of Texas grasslands — the equivalent of two-thirds of Rhode Island –according to forestry officials.

At least 11 deaths have been blamed on the fires in the state’s northeastern panhandle. Four of those people died in a traffic accident Sunday while trying to flee a fast-moving blaze. Four others were found dead in a car Monday evening after running off a road and into a ravine.

Was it DeLay’s corruption that aroused God’s wrath? The greed of Enron executives? Perhaps God chose to punish the state that brought us a President who deceived our nation into war? I’m no theologian, so I’ll leave to the experts the explanation for God’s punishment of the Lone Star State. Perhaps some of you might have an idea. I’d imagine it probably has something to do with the ACLU or queers.

It’s a shame about Texas; but all that smitin’ by fire is good news for the infidels in Dover, Pennsylvania, who will just have to wait for the Almighty to find time to rain His vengeance on them.

At least South Dakota is safe.

Filed under: Politics, Religion, U.S.