Shorter CNN
Updated on May 26, 2006 at 2:59 pm.
For the benefit of those without television access, I have prepared a rush “transcript” of the last 2-1/2 hours of CNN’s breaking news coverage of events on Capitol Hill:
DARYN KAGAN: Continuing our live coverage, and as we first reported two hours ago, we know absolutely nothing. Let’s bring in John King. John, I understand you have utterly nothing to report, is that correct?
JOHN KING: Thank you Daryn. Yes, that’s correct. We have no information about anything whatsoever. Daryn….
DARYN KAGAN: I understand that we now have CNN producer Deidre Walsh. Deidre, have you uncovered any new information since we last spoke two minutes ago?
DEIDRE WALSH: Thank you, Daryn. Various unnamed sources are now speculating that unknown events may have transpired at some location. We hope to have more information soon. Daryn?
DARYN KAGAN: Thank you, Deidre. Let’s go back to Dana Bash for the latest information about this developing story. Dana?
DANA BASH: Thank you, Daryn. I just spoke to an unidentified person who could not confirm or deny that something may or may not have occurred at an unknown time. It’s unclear whether this individual is in a position to know anything about any unconfirmed events which may have transpired at some point. But I’d like to remind our viewers that, at this point, this is only a preliminary report. Daryn?…
UPDATE:
We have BREAKING NEWS. Continuing my rush “transcript”:
KYRA PHILLIPS: It now appears, ahem, that some mechanic was using a pneumatic hammer on an elevator in a parking garage of the Rayburn Office Building. Ahem.
ME: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA…
One Response to “Shorter CNN”
gold, pure gold.
Morons, so trigger happy to be the first to scoop something, that the blow it out of proportion, and make things worse than they already are.
Comment by refuge on May 26, 2006 at 5:53 pm.